When did it happen that just because two people were friendly – once – they became bound together as friends for all eternity? I mean – if I meet someone through a friend, let’s say because said friend is dating that person, and that person and I become pals, well, that’s great. But what if said friend is a real asshole to that person and they break up. Why on earth would that person be forever obligated to be my pal, even though I’m still tight with said friend? If that person was wronged (severely, I might add), what sort of pompous ass would I have to be to think that person owed me any sort of friendship? And why is this paragraph making my head hurt?
It used to be that if people ended relationships because of assholery, those of us orbiting in their atmosphere were well within our rights to shun the asshole in the equation. Logical, right? Sane even. And certainly decent. If someone cheats on a dear friend in an ugly way, cutting that cheater out of my world is simply a part of my side of the dear friend alliance. No ifs, ands or buts. And to be perfectly clear here, I’m not referring to folks whose relationship ran its course. Some things end. That’s life. And sometimes those endings aren’t filled with rage or pyrotechnics. Sometimes two people quietly pack their belongings, mumble their goodbyes and walk away. Even if there are deep issues (aren’t there always), we don’t deem those friends as being god-awful or undeserving of love. Not everything lasts. I wish there was a better explanation, but sometimes there just isn’t.
But I digress. Yes – that’s the way it used to be. You were an asshole to my friend? Then you are dead to me. But that’s not the way I see most people behaving now. These days, it seems that when two people break up, they must somehow remain friends. And so must everyone around them. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard friends say, “Oh, we broke up, but we’re still friends!” Some have regular phone conversations or dinner arrangements with exes. And I’m not even talking about people with kids involved. Some exes just, well, keep in touch.
And this is where I have a problem, people. If you wronged my sweet friend, if you verbally abused her, if you stole from her, if you you played grab-ass with her friends – all while expecting her to support you spiritually, financially and physically – you are an asshole. And no matter how friendly we were during your relationship with my sweet friend, you and I are now done, motherfucker. My sweet friend can be as nice as an angel. She can choose to treat you with as much respect as she wants. I am not as good a person as my sweet friend, however. So if you walk into a room and see me standing there, don’t pretend the pressures of social norms will lead me to greet you kindly. For they will not. And when I look into your face and tell you that you and I are not friends and I do not want to speak with you, believe me the first time I say it. I shouldn’t have to repeat myself again and again. You are dead to me, asshole. End of story.
I’m really not as good a person as my sweet friend. Them’s the breaks. Deal with it.