Dear Santa,


Seasons greetings! Hope your December is going well and that you’re taking care of yourself. “The Big Show” is coming on fast, and you need your strength. So when Mrs. C. puts a bowl of soup in front of you, eat it!


I want to let you know what’s on my Christmas list this year. No doubt you’ve seen the state of my kitchen gear. Yes, my cookie sheets are battered. (I delivered a baked ham on my old cookie sheet to a person’s memorial gathering, and someone there said, “You don’t want this back, do you?” I said I absolutely did want that old, beaten-up cookie sheet back as that was my good one!) No, I don’t have a double-boiler, and instead use a metal bowl set over a pot when need be. But I don’t want any of those things. All I want is a sausage attachment for my stand mixer. I’d like to be able to make Mister’s Grandma’s Polish Sausage recipe for him. And for me. (Let’s not pretend I won’t be eating just as much as Mister. Ahem.) For what it’s worth, I believe you have an elf on this task, and – fingers crossed – I’ll open a sausage factory in the kitchen in January.


But Santa, know this: if it doesn’t work out this year, it’s okay. I’ve already gotten an awesome gift: my injured fingernail has grown back! And, even with life swirling all higgledy-piggledy around me, life is pretty danged sweet.


Oh! I almost forgot. I’d also like World Peace, children singing, Joy, Love and all that jazz. If you can swing it, I mean. Thanks.


Merry Christmas, Santa. And seriously, eat the soup.





PS Washing your hands once in a while wouldn’t hurt you, either.

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