This is my red sofa. My very red sofa.
Like all sofas – okay, couches – it needs to be cleaned from time-to-time. As I had forgotten to do this for longer than I can remember, I wasn’t quite prepared for what I found when I recently undertook the job. On the one hand, I should have taken photos. On the other hand, I’m glad I didn’t.
You would not believe what was beneath those cushions. Seriously. It reminded me of the packaging on “Sea Monkeys” when I was a kid. The Couch Critters had set up their own little society in there. One was riding a bicycle. One Couch Critter dude was ogling a Couch Critter hottie. There were mountains, hills, vales, structures…
Okay. I exaggerate. There were no critters. But I did find 3 of the following items: 4 pens, a wooden coaster, $1.87 in loose change, 2 hair bands, a wine cork and a triple-A battery. (You’ll have to guess which items I actually found.) There was also a lot of dirt. My vacuum got quite the workout that day.
No, there were no critters. But if there were such a thing as Couch Critters, I like to think they’d be just as happening as those Sea Monkeys always appeared in the artist’s renderings. And come on – Couch Critters would have to live somewhere, right?
Right. Just not in my couch.