Last week, on Tuesday I believe, I was walking down a sidewalk when I stopped and had a radical thought: I’ve turned the corner. I’m well. I don’t know what prompted it. I don’t remember what I was thinking about before that thought. I just felt it somehow, and knew it was true.
A couple of days later I told the Healer about the experience and she was quite supportive. She loosened the reins on my restrictive diet and told me I could have a little salad here and there (I’ve been off all raw vegetables for quite a while now). She also said I could have a wee bit of sugar once in a while. You know – like a birthday doughnut. She did say I shouldn’t sit down to a baker’s dozen or anything, and I assured her I wouldn’t. I agreed to continue with the other dietary restrictions (no fruit or fruit juice, no alcohol, no soda), even though I somehow knew I was well. We scheduled a couple of maintenance visits and I headed home.
That appointment took place last Thursday. Today is Wednesday and I am here to tell you my intuition was dead-on! I am well. I just am. I feel it. I know it. My body is behaving like, well, my body. And that’s that. Those salads I’m eating are scrumptious and greatly appreciated. I’ve had very few sweets, but I’ve enjoyed the heck out of those, too. After I see the Healer this week, I’m hoping some other heretofore banned food/beverage will be back in my diet. And pretty soon, I hope there are no restrictions.
I’m beyond happy that whatever the hell kind of virus I’ve had has finally kicked the bucket. And I will never, ever, ever go on a Princess Cruise again, thank-you-very-much, as all signs point to that being ground zero of my physical troubles. (I guess ground zero can occur at sea. Go figure.)
I can also see some good that came out of this nearly 5-month illness. I have a new-found appreciation for health. (Boy – do I appreciate it!) I recognize and respect how it feels to be in working order. And I have learned to actually care for myself when I’ve needed it.
Perhaps the greatest good I’ve gained during this illness is the gift of not judging myself harshly. It has taken a lot, granted, but I’ve stopped beating myself up about my appearance, or my hips, or my curves. In the past, I’ve worked out and counted calories and deprived myself (or not) and still I was disappointed in my physicality. Being sick took that out of me. It was hard to criticize my weight when I couldn’t eat anything or do anything due to illness and weakness. Somewhere along the line, I guess I just stopped the self-criticism. And I haven’t gone back to that old, ugly habit. (I pray I don’t backslide.) I mean, I want to be healthy and fit, and I want to feel good about myself and think I’m doing alright, but I also want to motivate myself toward those feelings with positive thoughts. Tearing myself down serves no useful purpose whatsoever.
So that’s where things are. I’m much, much better. And I truly appreciate hearing from so many of you. It’s been awesome having your support and good vibes. Not only have you called and checked in on me, you’ve also sent me little notes and made darling gifts to perk me up. Never underestimate the power of friendship. I certainly don’t.
As for my magical moment on that random sidewalk last Tuesday, I can only tell you how it went down. It was simple and there was no thunder bolt. No one else on the sidewalk even noticed me there. But I was there, and it was magic. Knowing I’m better and feeling it in my very soul is a precious gift.
Good for me!