As I drove south on the 405 yesterday, I was nearly taken out by a mingo (that’s an idiot, friends) in a low-rider suv. For reals. That kid was clearly a middle-school-dropout, as he mistakenly believed 2 vehicles could simultaneously occupy the same lane space. As I swerved to avoid certain death, I glared at him. And at his gauged ear lobes, filled with giant plugs.


As this particular mingo was dangerous, I got away from him as quickly as possible. And though I’ve never once thought this about another person before, I was glad he had stretched his ear lobes beyond ever shrinking back to what would be considered normal. That idiot deserves saggy lobes. Way to go, mingo. Way to go.

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