I don’t know how many of you are following British politics, and really, in America, why would you? We’ve got a homegrown freak show going on in our front yard. But I digress… British politics. For those not keeping track, the Brits are about to get a new Prime Minister (PM). I won’t go into the party battles between Labour and Tories – which are fascinating by the way, as the to-be PM is (at this point) unopposed and will therefore simply become the new Prime Minister – because that’s not my point. My point is this: Why is current British Home Secretary Theresa May (the soon-to-be PM) being called “childless” when described by the press? It irks me, and so I feel a need to once again cover this familiar terrain, if only for myself.
Most folks I know have children. Not all, mind you, but it’s fair to say the majority of my friends are parents. And that’s great. Generally speaking. I actually like most of my friends’s kids. Not all. I don’t want to be a liar or anything. I mean, some kids I’ve met are the spawn of Satan. Them babies’ mamas aren’t named Rosemary, but still. Spawn. Of. Satan. But I digress – again.
Of the folks I know who are not parents, a select few wish they were. Those souls, bless them, have feelings of lack and regret. Which is not to say they wear it on their sleeves or anything, but when the time has allowed, their feelings of empty pain have been shared and expressed. And that is heartbreaking. Truly.
And then there are the other non-parents. Folks like Mister and me. We feel not one iota of regret over choosing to avoid children. In fact, we regularly toast the fact that we are non-parents. I’m serious. We get downright giddy over the fact that we dodged that bullet. And that’s with first-hand knowledge of kids we like! We didn’t want children. Let me say that again. We didn’t want children. We made a choice. And we are slap-happy about it. We can adore your little darlings and hang out with them and watch them grow up and be tickled pink over their accomplishments in life. We can empathize with your love for and devotion to your kids (which is exactly how you should feel). And we are still grateful we don’t have children.
Now. This is my point. (Finally.) Can we please stop calling non-parents child-less? The “less” half of the word implies lack. And I assure you, as a non-parent, I do not feel lack on this point. In fact, we refer to ourselves as being child-free. Which is exactly how we feel. Free! For us, it’s fabulous and smile-inducing and, did I already say fabulous? Because it is. And if anyone out there is thinking, “Mikki – perhaps thou doth protest too much,” well, you’re just wrong. As I type this, I’m grinning from ear-to-ear and I feel bubbly. Bubbly, y’all. I feel this way because our choice to be child-free is completely congruent with who we are. Honestly, I’m really proud of us for being true to ourselves and not caving to common culture. That choice may have been right for you, but it would have been all wrong for us. Don’t believe me? Unfortunately, there are folks out there who did not want to be parents and now are. And when you know someone wearing those shoes, it is pitiful. For the parent and for the child.
But back to the soon-to-be British Prime Minister. I don’t know Theresa May. I have no idea how she feels about her personal choices in life. That’s her shit to work out. But until we hear otherwise, how about we not label her with a negative? If she expresses feelings of lack on the home front, okay. Maybe then we can call her child-less. Maybe she does feel that sense of less. Then again, maybe she doesn’t. Maybe Ms. May is doing just fine in life. Maybe she feels free. Maybe her heart and soul are full and content. Maybe, when if she thinks about being child-free, she grins from ear-to-ear and finds herself feeling bubbly.
How about we label the non-parents of the world that way? Child-free. Speaking for myself, thank God almighty.