Donald Woods Winnicott (1896 – 1971) said, “May I be alive when I die.” A rather prolific writer (pediatrician, psychoanalyst, sociologist, psychiatrist), he said a lot of things. This one, though, has struck me today.

 

We are all of us growing older. We don’t have to like it, but it’s true. And short of some tragic accident or dread disease, nothing can stop the process. Most of the time I don’t think about this. I just get on with the business of living. Sometimes that business means climbing the 463 steps of the Duomo in Firenze. Most of the time it means there’s no milk in the fridge or bananas in the bowl. It almost always means there’s something to be cleaned or maintained. Am I the only one whose quick trips to get milk end up taking a couple of hours? Didn’t think so. This is why I don’t usually think about my own aging process. I’m a little busy!

 

I’ve been reading a bit about Dr. Winnicott’s work and his ideas on the True Self and the False Self are striking a chord with me. I think that’s because I’ve been a little sluggish lately and have been feeling my age as a result. Only I haven’t really been feeling my age. I’ve been feeling my sorry-for-myself age. And those are two entirely different things. I mean, when I’m in the flow and grooving on life without fretting over age, I’m as joyful as sunshine. On the other hand, feeling down about my age leads to feeling hollow and empty. I may be a lot of things y’all, but hollow and empty are not on the list.

 

So after finding Dr. Winnicott’s quote “May I Be Alive When I Die,” it occurred to me that sluggishness aside, there’s no reason not to revel in being alive right now. It’s certainly grander than being down and it feels so much better. Much truer to who I actually am. My True Self.

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