I have some not-so-good habits. (Surprise, surprise.) And I think I may be tiring of one in particular.
Whenever I have something on my calendar, something to look forward to, I don’t allow myself to be excited about it. If it’s a trip, for example, I tell myself that it may not happen. That there are no guarantees that plane will ever leave the ground. “Wheels Up,” I say. Not until then will it actually transpire.
Whenever someone acknowledges my accomplishments or talent, I quickly change the subject. I doubt their sincerity, so I divert their attention and take the focus back to them. It’s as if my mouth cannot form the words, “Thank You.”
Whenever I have an idea for some sort of endeavor, something I see as being a professional pursuit, I follow it only so far. I work out details and angles, and then I tell myself that dog won’t hunt. Generally, I pooh-pooh myself. “It Wasn’t That Great of an Idea,” I say.
The bad habit I’m tiring of is my tendency to go con, to go negative. I’ve known about it for a while (a long while), but for some reason I didn’t look at it in a way that made me think of an alternative. I’m sure that sounds crazy, and it probably is. When it comes to myself, I just seem to think of all the reasons good can’t possibly come my way. (For the record, I don’t do that with others. I’m a full-time cheerleader for friends.) So what has pushed me to the edge of tolerating my negative self?
The Universe. I’m just touchy-feely enough to subscribe to “Notes From The Universe.” My friend Winfield turned me on to these daily emails several-plus-several years ago. And now I look forward to reading each day’s missive almost as much as I look forward to coffee. Recently I received a note from the founder of “Notes From The Universe,” Mike Dooley. He wrote a lot of things, but what grabbed me was this bit:
“Whenever fear, worry, or unhelpful images parade through your wandering mind, DOUBT THEM!
Don’t think you have to vanquish or overpower them, just doubt them.
In other words, instead of doubting that you might succeed doubt that you might fail.
And then notice how in your thoughts and feelings, any undesired outcomes seem to shrink in proportion to the likelihood of desirable outcomes.“
Again, I don’t know why these words struck a chord where so many have left a dull clunk, but that’s the way it goes some times. This time anyway. And to tell the truth, I’m probably oversimplifying the trigger, as there have been several beautiful occurrences in my world of late, things that have dared me to apply the same positive attitude I lavish on others, to myself.
This isn’t my first go-round with this idea. I’ve even written about it here. But I’m hoping this time it will take. That I’ll allow myself to get excited about an outing, or that I’ll simply say “Thank You” when someone bestows a compliment on me. That I’ll honor my good ideas when I have them.
We’re looking at a new season. And while it may signify the end of the harvest season for a lot of our environmental surroundings, I’m hoping it brings me new growth. I want to shine – on the inside – just for me and my benefit. In short, I want to go pro where I’m concerned. Why not? I’m already doing it for friends. Am I not worthy of being my own friend?
And there it is. It’s time to be my own friend. It’s worth a shot.