I don’t know why it catches me off-guard each and every year. You’d think I’d have adjusted by now. You’d think I’d at least know it was coming.

 

Earlier in the week I felt myself dipping a toe in the quicksand of my insecurities. My body language changed. I was experiencing odd people in the world, who were not being very nice and trying to take advantage of me. It didn’t feel right, and it wasn’t. What was going on? What was I putting out there that showed me as less than myself? As vulnerable?

 

It only took a couple of hours for the underlying truth to dawn on me: in the face of my upcoming stint at Rock Camp for Girls, I was starting to doubt myself. This will be my 5th year volunteering at Rock Camp. The previous 4 years have found me succumbing to my particular brand of comparing-myself-to-others and failing. The volunteers at Rock Camp are without a doubt the most amazing humans I’ve ever had the gift of knowing. I adore these chicks. I am incredibly grateful to simply be in their presence. And, like I said, in the past I’ve compared myself to them. That, friends, has never worked out. It’s uncomfortable. It’s a waste of time. It’s a useless activity. I know this. So why was I slipping down that ugly slope, yet again?

 

Once I recognized my pattern, I was able to process. And you know what? It didn’t take long at all for me to break through the rising tide of insecurity and plant myself on the shores of confidence. I don’t have to be anyone else. I only have to be me. Actually, I get to be me. And that’s pretty cool.

 

So I’m philosophically ready to start this year’s session of Rock Camp. Not sure about my physical state, though, as Rock Camp week is exhausting. Pray to all the gods for me, please. There are a lot of stairs.

 

And maybe learn a lesson on me. Don’t compare yourself to others, friends. It’s always a losing battle. Like the computer “Joshua” in the movie War Games said, “The only winning move is not to play.” True dat, Troy. True dat.

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